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Asyiqin H.

It has been a while right? You must be wondering of my whereabouts and why I didn't even bother to write an entry.

Well truth be told, I have been busy (for real though, when did I not?) The past month was hectic and crazy I don't even remember much of it.

Back to the main topic, I started my dorming life for the very first time in my life. I was very nervous because 1) This is my first time living away from home and 2) I'm no more at Sabah.

I get insecure telling my private life so I'm just gonna let it out for a teeny little bit . I entered college a week ago, just enrolled so I'm gonna say that I'm a freshie still.

Obviously with dorming, you'll have roommates right? And I got to say a week knowing my roommates so far they are great. Really.

It actually didn't feel like it's only been a week I arrived here as it already feels like I'm here for so long.

Classes were supposed to start yesterday but it seems like a spell because I told my roommates that usually the first classes got cancelled for some reason and turns out I was right. Our first class got cancelled and for some reason, I don't really feel excited nor happy because it got cancelled as I'm kinda looking forward for it.

That aside, I think I can cope with dorming life. Honestly, the homesick was unbearable but I think I can manage because I've always wanted to continue my studies and now that I've got to do it, homesick is only my key to do well I think. There's no way I will come home without any improvement right?

Wish me luck guys and I'm terrible sorry for not updating in so long.
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Eid Mubarak everyone.

It has been a while since I last make an update. I've been drafting my entries and the amount of draft entries are more than the amount of entries I've posted. 

Anyway, how was your Eid? Mine was quite meh as I was tired so I decided to sleep in. I didn't make any plans either. The entire day was spent watching movies with my families. And the day was brightened up a bit by the appearance of my cousins.

By the way, I feel like I'm on writer's block. And it has been going on for weeks. I wanted to update but I seriously had no idea on what to write and I feel like I'm just gonna disappoint those who read my contents as they're becoming worse and I don't know just boring, I guess?

I have tried blogwalking and whenever I got the slightest idea and inspiration to write, I sat hours in front of my laptop trying to make the words come out of my complicated mind but they wouldn't come out and I'm frustrated at myself for having this problem.

Hence, I spent time blogwalking and reading to improve my writing skills and also to find some sort of motivation to write. Although it worked a little, the inspiration to write just wouldn't come and I feel like banging my head on the wall (well not really but you know what I mean)

So, here I am updating an effortless entry. I think that's all from me for now. I hope you guys are well and happy. Take good care of yourself and also be careful of the heat. It's crazy.

See you when I see you.



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Assalamualaikum and hi.

This is gonna be a very short (maybe, I hope) comeback entry as I'm not in a very good state of mind. I think it has been almost a month or so since I last update.

To tell you from the deepest pit of my heart, I haven't been doing well. I tried being positive, I tried spreading positivity (which sometimes work), I tried with every strength and will I have to be strong and positive.

I came off as positive in other people's eyes. Glad I came off like that rather than coming off as a depressing, sad, toxic and negative 20 years old.

With all honesty, I am not even close to what people see me as. I am depressing, sad, toxic and negative. That's me. The real me. Believe it or not, I acted so well and proper so others won't feel as bad as I did.

I am a negative person. Every night before I fall asleep, I was drowning in thoughts of how life would be better without my existence. And yes, I'm suicidal. It's up to you to believe me or not. I have no right to push you to believe me.

The reason why I come out with this honest and truthful confession of who I really am is because of a question by my best friend "why are you suddenly so negative?"

I am ALWAYS negative in myself. I don't believe in me, I thought of ways to die in silence, I thought horribly of myself thinking why God make me live in this world when I am a worthless human being. I thought of why people looked up to me.

I am not sure if I am depress or am I just sad. I myself am not sure what am I honestly. I do focus on my mental health in the beginning of this year but it all went downhill when my mind is cramped with thoughts and not to mention I always spend my time alone.

I am sorry if this early August entry which is supposed to be a positive one instead of a melancholic one. Thank you for reading.
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Courage by Anne Sexton

It is in the small things we see it.
The child's first step,
as awesome as an earthquake.
The first time you rode a bike, 
wallowing up the sidewalk.
The first spanking when your heart
when on a journey all alone.
When they called you a crybaby
or poor or fatty or crazy
and made you into an alien, 
you drank their acid
and concealed it.

Later,
if you faced the death bombs and bullets,
you did not do it with a banner,
you did it with only a hat to
cover your heart.
You did not fondle the weakness inside you
though it was there.
Your courage was a small coal
that kept you swallowing.
If your buddy saved you
and died himself in so doing, 
then his courage was not courage.
it was love; love as simple as shaving soap.

Later, 
if you have endured a great despair,
the you did it alone,
getting a transfusion from the fire,
picking the scabs off your heart,
then wringing it out like a sock.
Next, my kinsman, you powdered your sorrow,
you gave it a back rub
and then you covered it with a blanket
and after it had slept a while
it woke to the wings of the roses
and was transformed.

Later,
when you face old age and its natural
conclusion
your courage will still be shown in the little
ways,
each spring will be a sword you'll sharpen,
those you love will live in a fever of love,
and you'll bargain with the calendar
and at the last moment
when death opens the back door
you'll put on your carpet slippers
and stride out.
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Hello! The good for nothing is back because she had time and was bored out of her mind.

Anyways! I came here to share and recommend some songs I've been listening to 😉 Don't worry, it's in all sorts of language so don't bother yourself to be annoyed at me. 

And reminder : I only suggest songs that fits myself. You guys can guess my taste on songs based on the recommendations ✌️ I'll also put the link so you can click it anytime you want ðŸŒ¼

ENJOY ðŸ’‹
  • Save Myself - Ed Sheeran https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXM0JdAwabU
  • This Town - Niall Horan https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ic1l36GrNOU
  • Sweet Creature - Harry Styles https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uD6s-X3590
  • Little Things - One Direction https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGPeNN9S0Fg
  • On The Loose - Niall Horan https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wk99OKNE_Ro
  • Weight In Gold - Gallant https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RhP9WywEN4
  • Slow Hands - Niall Horan https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBmNcLBaPUE
  • Can't Love You Anymore - IU ft Oh Hyuk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrqBOHOSUBU
  • Stargazing - Kygo; Justin Jesso https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YZbrovInos
  • In My Blood - Shawn Mendes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlkBLwl4aBM&t=138s
  • Lost In Japan - Shawn Mendes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycy30LIbq4w
  • Bad Boy - Red Velvet https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_CFBjAyPWE
  • Look - Got7 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sS0LCjOiIhc
  • BOSS - NCT U https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AUFyFEt35g
  • Baby Don't Stop - NCT U https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0DqRstCgj4
  • GO - NCT Dream https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cD8SYW8rjaQ
  • TOUCH - NCT 127 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sHIq41sI-w
  • Someone Like You (Live OST) - EXO CBX https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otMkTeZeJk0
  • Only Then - Roy Kim https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkN_hWI6n28
  • Remember Me (Coco OST) - Miguel ft Natalia Lafourcade https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mJcs3kVzdk
  • This Is Me (The Greatest Showman) - Kealla Settle https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_n8d_Vi8nSE
  • Singing In The Rain (Singing in The Rain) - Gene Kelly https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1ZYhVpdXbQ
  • Sleep On The Floor - The Lumineers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4pi1LxuDHc
  • Cleopatra - The Lumineers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aN5s9N_pTUs
  • Angela - The Lumineers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_II0fc7hgNY
  • Ophelia - The Lumineers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTOC_q0NLTk
  • Hard Feelings - Lorde https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6nYF3juDQY
  • Robbers - The 1975 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iyy3YOpxL2k
  • Somebody Else - The 1975 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bimd2nZirT4
  • 4 Walls - F(x) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4j7Umwfx60Q
  • Low - Greyson Chance https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exQ2u3qSfrM
  • Rubber Band - iKON https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igrMOMOivFo
  • Love Scenario - iKON https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vecSVX1QYbQ
  • Secret Garden - Oh My Girl https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIN5_tJRiyY
  • Flower Road - BigBang https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wowAOdTYqw8
  • Starry Night - Mamamoo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjUXm0Zy_dk
  • Thanks - SEVENTEEN https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZItyr1SNjU
  • Dinner - Suho, Jang Jane https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHj0S8-hwQU
  • Do You Have A Moment - Suho, Jang Jane https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjHAA2rmK7I
  • Take You Home - Baekhyun https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CRWAZZanLg
  • Been Through - EXO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFSpyikeseA
  • Curtain - Suho https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BG_xrO_7y2g
  • Monster (ENG. Ver) - Henry https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfeEwt5_jsQ
  • Bye Babe - Chen x 10cm https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3t3qKc1xwCE
  • SHEEP - LAY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qSzP9aReOA
  • Instagram - DEAN https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKyMIrBClYw
  • TOMBOY - HyukOh https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pC6tPEaAiYU
  • Comes and Goes - HyukOh https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECMc1SB60E0
  • Gondry - HyukOh https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3RAU0T2RC4
  • Wi ing Wi ing - HyukOh https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UeCTNhP-E_c
  • When You Love Someone - Day6 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWQ1xOfUNYQ
  • Tomorrow, Today - JJ Project https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktdqlQ1zhg4
  • Stay - EXO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc3mg5oT1Fc
  • Fall - EXO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWvZl5kYbFg
I better stop because or the list won't stop. I put up the link of the lyric version for some kpop songs so y'all won't come at me saying you don't understand anything. Anyway, enjoy the music ðŸŽ§ðŸŽ¼ Good Night ðŸŒ™
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About me

23 | A socially anxious yet witty, comes off unapproachable at first but probably the loudest person you met. Doesn't come here often due to responsibility as a student.

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Categories

  • Poetry
  • Rambles and rants
  • Song Recommendations
  • college life

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Blog Archive

  • ►  2021 (2)
    • ►  September (1)
    • ►  February (1)
  • ▼  2018 (5)
    • ▼  October (1)
      • Dorm Life For The First Time
    • ►  August (2)
      • Eid Mubarak to all + Having writer's block
      • Welcome August, Farewell July.
    • ►  May (1)
      • Courage by Anne Sexton
    • ►  March (1)
      • Song Recommendations 💃🎧🎼

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