Assalamualaikum and hi.

This is gonna be a very short (maybe, I hope) comeback entry as I'm not in a very good state of mind. I think it has been almost a month or so since I last update.

To tell you from the deepest pit of my heart, I haven't been doing well. I tried being positive, I tried spreading positivity (which sometimes work), I tried with every strength and will I have to be strong and positive.

I came off as positive in other people's eyes. Glad I came off like that rather than coming off as a depressing, sad, toxic and negative 20 years old.

With all honesty, I am not even close to what people see me as. I am depressing, sad, toxic and negative. That's me. The real me. Believe it or not, I acted so well and proper so others won't feel as bad as I did.

I am a negative person. Every night before I fall asleep, I was drowning in thoughts of how life would be better without my existence. And yes, I'm suicidal. It's up to you to believe me or not. I have no right to push you to believe me.

The reason why I come out with this honest and truthful confession of who I really am is because of a question by my best friend "why are you suddenly so negative?"

I am ALWAYS negative in myself. I don't believe in me, I thought of ways to die in silence, I thought horribly of myself thinking why God make me live in this world when I am a worthless human being. I thought of why people looked up to me.

I am not sure if I am depress or am I just sad. I myself am not sure what am I honestly. I do focus on my mental health in the beginning of this year but it all went downhill when my mind is cramped with thoughts and not to mention I always spend my time alone.

I am sorry if this early August entry which is supposed to be a positive one instead of a melancholic one. Thank you for reading.