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Asyiqin H.

Eid Mubarak everyone.

It has been a while since I last make an update. I've been drafting my entries and the amount of draft entries are more than the amount of entries I've posted. 

Anyway, how was your Eid? Mine was quite meh as I was tired so I decided to sleep in. I didn't make any plans either. The entire day was spent watching movies with my families. And the day was brightened up a bit by the appearance of my cousins.

By the way, I feel like I'm on writer's block. And it has been going on for weeks. I wanted to update but I seriously had no idea on what to write and I feel like I'm just gonna disappoint those who read my contents as they're becoming worse and I don't know just boring, I guess?

I have tried blogwalking and whenever I got the slightest idea and inspiration to write, I sat hours in front of my laptop trying to make the words come out of my complicated mind but they wouldn't come out and I'm frustrated at myself for having this problem.

Hence, I spent time blogwalking and reading to improve my writing skills and also to find some sort of motivation to write. Although it worked a little, the inspiration to write just wouldn't come and I feel like banging my head on the wall (well not really but you know what I mean)

So, here I am updating an effortless entry. I think that's all from me for now. I hope you guys are well and happy. Take good care of yourself and also be careful of the heat. It's crazy.

See you when I see you.



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Assalamualaikum and hi.

This is gonna be a very short (maybe, I hope) comeback entry as I'm not in a very good state of mind. I think it has been almost a month or so since I last update.

To tell you from the deepest pit of my heart, I haven't been doing well. I tried being positive, I tried spreading positivity (which sometimes work), I tried with every strength and will I have to be strong and positive.

I came off as positive in other people's eyes. Glad I came off like that rather than coming off as a depressing, sad, toxic and negative 20 years old.

With all honesty, I am not even close to what people see me as. I am depressing, sad, toxic and negative. That's me. The real me. Believe it or not, I acted so well and proper so others won't feel as bad as I did.

I am a negative person. Every night before I fall asleep, I was drowning in thoughts of how life would be better without my existence. And yes, I'm suicidal. It's up to you to believe me or not. I have no right to push you to believe me.

The reason why I come out with this honest and truthful confession of who I really am is because of a question by my best friend "why are you suddenly so negative?"

I am ALWAYS negative in myself. I don't believe in me, I thought of ways to die in silence, I thought horribly of myself thinking why God make me live in this world when I am a worthless human being. I thought of why people looked up to me.

I am not sure if I am depress or am I just sad. I myself am not sure what am I honestly. I do focus on my mental health in the beginning of this year but it all went downhill when my mind is cramped with thoughts and not to mention I always spend my time alone.

I am sorry if this early August entry which is supposed to be a positive one instead of a melancholic one. Thank you for reading.
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About me

23 | A socially anxious yet witty, comes off unapproachable at first but probably the loudest person you met. Doesn't come here often due to responsibility as a student.

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  • ►  2021 (2)
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      • Eid Mubarak to all + Having writer's block
      • Welcome August, Farewell July.
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