People said that patience is a virtue, and good things take time. I personally don't have enough patience when dealing with some things, even when I'm doing things that I really like. I always have this "zero patience" written on my forehead every time I do something, especially when I'm having conversations with people who have zero common sense and empathy. Here I am wondering, how my 18 years old self wanted to be a therapist and dared to even think of majoring in psychology. I couldn't understand people, I couldn't stand people. 

I actually am writing this spontaneously because I have lost my cool trying to fix my blog, constructing it according to my style. For some reason, after months of leaving and forgetting (again) that I have a blog, I actually wonder how did the 14 years old I have so much patience in decorating my blog. I actually sat hours in front of my laptop, finding cute templates, learning HTML codes, going through shit tons of websites. That's probably a power someone with 1.0% of stress levels had. 

I am now mentally unhealthy with an attention span of a spoon, trying to fix my blog with new stylings.. is now sitting in front of my laptop like a fool. Not to mention that my poor eyesight could not stand being in front of the screen for hours. The fact that my personality and habits change multiple degrees and I don't even know my true self. Was it the patient me nine years ago or is it the me now whose attention span shorter than a toddler and patience as thin as ice. 

All this rambles with no greetings and double-checks because of the high stress level from finding out how to do blogs that have been upgraded. Not going to lie some of the high stress levels is caused by being a perfectionist too. Everything I tried doesn't seem to fit my likings, hence I'm stressing out. My advice to kids out there if you're reading this, don't be too much of a perfectionist. Or else, you'll become like me. My closed ones are so gonna laugh at me for taking a decoration of my blog too much concern and space over my head but uhh.. I can't sleep it off. 

By the way, it's almost October. I am left with one semester and an internship before graduating. I still am not sure what to do. So, how's adulthood going to you?

Hello. 858 days. Gone. Forgotten. Lost. I can't believe it that it has been 2 years and some months and days since I last posted my blog. I was losing interest in writing and I have gotten so busy.... sigh... uni days. 

Anyways, it's February 2021! It's crazy how a lot has changed. I changed, people around me changed, the world changed and wow it was beyond expectations. Crazy how the world has become ever since Covid-19 first strike in the world. It was scary. 

During the first-ever lockdown in Malaysia, I was one of the many university students who got stuck on campus. I was with my two housemates and hell we went through a lot. Yes, the government and my campus provided necessities for us but once lockdown was lifted to partial lockdown, we were able to go out for groceries and stuff. But not once had I go out. I was scared out of my mind over the situation. Also, I was totally in a dark place. Given that I was alone, I was very depressed. I lost a lot of weight and I had the deepest hatred towards covid-19. I lost a family because of it. It was excruciatingly painful, to lost a family and not being able to see them for the last time. Our big family was in pain during those times, considering how everyone was scattered all over the map and due to covid-19 we weren't able to gather around and console each other. Whenever the name of my deceased uncle was mentioned, the atmosphere turns so very solemn. But months have passed, we are all healing. My uncle's family, his children and wife, they are all getting better. Covid-19 made us lost a family but it also makes us grow even closer than before. We are indestructible. 

I have also been doing online classes like all the other university students. And believe me please when I said, it was exhausting. At this point, I don't even know what am I doing. "I only study for the exams" was what I focused on. After the exams, I forgot whatever I've been studying lol. Covid-19 has worsened most of our mental health if not everyone, including mine. 

I hope in any ways possible, we are able to go through this. Let's always pray for the best and let's all survive. Surviving is a must in situations like this, don't let our inner demons overpowers our minds. Covid-19 sucks, but our life could get better if we keep practising social and physical distancing, only go out when you need to, practise hygienes i.e wash your hands regularly, use hand sanitisers, wear your face masks. Let's all fight Covid-19 so that generations after us could live a healthy, hygienic and happier life. Also, always be responsible, your immune system may be strong but the ones around you, probably not. You may get infected, you may also be the carrier of the virus. 

Live responsibly, everyone. Belated happy new year, though, not so much.